Ok so I'm pretty sure nobody reads my blog, but I've decided to write a post anyways because, quite frankly, I'd like to get it out there whether anyone's going to read it or not. Every time I try to tell someone about this they have to leave or it's a bad time or something, so I'll just put it out to the 0 people currently reading this, and hopefully I'll feel better. Here goes...
Does anybody feel like their whole life is aimed at goals? Like, I'm in high school, and I'm working my butt off to take hard classes and get good grades and high scores on tests and have good extra-curriculars to get into a good college. And then once in college I will work my butt off to get good grades to graduate and get into graduate school. Where I will work my butt off to get good grades and get my degree so that I can get a good job. At which point I will work my butt off so that I earn enough money to support myself and my family and so that I can retire. Once retired I will be old and worrying about investments and social security and assisted-living and grandchildren and dying and all that crap.
But what I want to know is--and bear with me here because it is extremely cliché--when do I actually get to live? I'm tired of working so hard for the future and not being able to fully enjoy the moment. I'm tired of constantly having to worry about what I'm not doing that I need to do and what's going to happen tomorrow. I would love so very much to be able to just relax for a little while and have an honest to goodness good time. I can't remember the last time I really had fun, no strings attached. It seems like even when I am having a good time, there's always something I'm worrying about in the back of my mind that creeps up on me the minute I'm not completely absorbed in whatever I was doing. And I'm in high school. I so don't see this getting any better any time soon. If anything the opposite.
So how did our culture turn into something that makes true relaxation and stress-free fun such a hard commodity? I honestly don't know, but it's a serious problem. I know that human knowledge is all valuable and everything, but at what point does our drive for knowledge and power and good jobs become detrimental to our happiness? I know I passed that point awhile ago. You really can't buy happiness, nor can you barter for it, or win it with an incredible amount of knowledge. So why are we all trying so hard? Why am I trying so hard?
This probably all sounds like complete lunacy to everyone--all of 0 people--who is reading this, but it's been bothering me for a few days. And maybe I really am nuts; it's entirely possible, what with the stress and all. Actually it would probably be better if I was nuts since then none of this would be true which would probably be a good thing. But I sorta don't think I am. I don't know. But at least now I've said it, and I will hopefully forget about it shortly. Thank you to the 0 people who read this. It's nice to know I'm influencing so many people. :P
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